heart

New hope

02:04
16 April 2018

Assalammualaikum,

there are days that I am positive, and there are days where I felt that my legs weaken, tears streaming down the cheek, yes the heart it pounds so vigorously and in between of taking deep breaths I remind myself that, I should be grateful.

But no, at times like that, it is actually hard to see this world from a rose-tinted glasses.I might remind myself to be grateful, but only the tongue that is able to recite it.

Days passed by, then months.It has been a while that I lost the happiness of being alone, the calmness of embracing the present without hoping and waiting.I am realistic, and then the emotion along with the surge of feelings came and it influences my rationality and logic.That is normal.It is.

Today, upon seeing the yoga mat in a roll, kept under my steel locker - for months, I realised that this time I am going to do it for myself.My dreams, I am going to achieve it for myself.My passion, I am going to pursue it for me and my future.With the hope that one day I will contribute to the society.

I change too, I am becoming more expressive - in my writings.I have always been but I have never had the gut to publish it before this.

I would like to admit that I learnt a lot,one of it is to engage with a human being,not in hoping to know what they think of,what they felt, to keep questioning what it really means but to talk about it,sharing views and building hopes.At least from my side.To accept that no one is perfect,not even me.Learning to adapt and understand another soul.I appreciate it.Why wouldn't I when I felt as if Allah answers some of my doa and you know when your dreams are woven together, that gives me hopes. 

At some point when I was sitting alone in a corner of my room, with tears of happiness ,I asked myself "Why does Allah bless me with so much happiness, will it last long or is there an end to this,but whatever it is I am happy now so alhamdulillah" I was afraid you know, to be blessed with the feelings but I also remembered that I once said - it is both a test and a blessing from Allah and it is up to us how we manoeuvre it.

So today, I am going to say to beautiful souls out there whatever you have right now, cherish it.
Smile, brightly of course!Be happy to be where you are now, in what you are - the dreams that you have, go and chase it!If you feel like there is no one supporting you, I am here, always here to be with anyone who has their dreams by their side.

And yeah tonight, I have the courage to share one of my writings,
for someone that I don't even know but I am certain that he is going to be special!
(on a side note, the first person who listened to this poem was Atieqah)






TO BE THERE



Love
      is to be presence
      emotionally and physically
      the former is essential

for if he is not there
the spirit accompany
lifting up your mood
giving you a hope

a hint of smile
that repeatedly plays in your mind
is enough

to convince you
that
there is someone
waiting
for you

to reveal the stories
sharing the feelings
that had been long kept
in a special lobe

for the 
one
that will always be there
supporting and cheering
even if it means virtually

written by Farrah Wahida on 21/4/2017


Smile always :)

fasa

Fasa baru

17:49
Last night, I watched a theatre with Sofea titled - It's Over Now.The lines hit me well, right in the feels.I was expecting more movements, but then they were static -talking about the past.The woman was still hoping for something but then the man said he came only for old good times, for the happiness that they once had.The meaning of love to both of them contradicts from each other.It is an adaptation of the movie Comet.

Apakah yang membuat air mata seolah hendak jatuh di tebingnya
Saat lirik lagu - It must have been love but it's over now nyanyian Roxette berputar di corong audio
berkali-kali
Tika itu,hati ini tidaklah sebak
Cuma aku juga berkata pada diriku
It was real - after all
Untuk diriku

Perasaan itu, ia berbolak balik,datang dan pergi
hiba dan sebak bergilir-gilir
dan sekarang
seolah penulis menceritakan kisahnya sendiri
persis Zainuddin dalam Tenggelamnya Kapal Van der Wijck

Aku seringkali mahu menulis persepsiku tentang karya Hamka,yang atas itu dan juga Di Bawah Lindungan Kaabah.Namun kini,perasaan pemeran watak-watak itu lebih terasa bila kita sudah melaluinya sendiri,tidak begitu?Melihat,cuba memahami dan mengalami sendiri adalah tiga titik dan fasa berbeza dalam hidup.

Tulisanku hari ini tidak lain hanya untuk mengingatkan diriku sendiri yang aku sudah berada di tahap, berani berkongsi tanpa lagi memikirkan prejudis dan tanggapan yang lain-lain.

Aku sudah di fasa yang baru. :)

Dan kata-kata Buya Hamka ini akan terus jadi puisi indah yang menguatkan semangat!







Cinta bukan melemahkan hati, bukan membawa putus asa, bukan menimbulkan tangis sedu sedan. Tetapi cinta menghidupkan pengharapan, menguatkan hati dalam perjuangan menempuh onak dan duri penghidupan.

- Hamka, Tenggelamnya Kapal Van Der Wijck (favourite, as always)