If I am writing here after a long time,it would mean that - I am on the verge of doing my last minute assignment and I need to write just to express what is deep inside and to be okay again.This is my bad habit and I know,I know I should stop PRO-crastinate.

Sekejap saja,kita dah di pertengahan Julai.Saya harap penggal kedua 2020 ini membawa kebaikan dan kegembiraan.I read something about emotional differentiation,shared by a psychologist in twitter,and that changed the way I think.If we have no control about a situation then why do we let it consume our energy and affect our moods.Say no to negative things that are out of our capacity.I tried not to overthink things that is out of my control and that made me feel better.I do realized that I cannot be positive allll the way (that is toxic positivity,and someday it will consume me too).

To acknowledge that happiness come from within will also make you aware that you are what you feed your soul.Talking bout that I think I need to get myself a cup of hot green tea,with a spoon of honey and a slice of lemon.Yep,I will.

Alhamdulillah, so far my art journey has been so exciting as I stepped out of my comfort zone and started to use new medium which is acrylic.But,my love for watercolour will remain as always.It makes me happy that my orders are increasing and most importantly a lot of these lovely people are asking me to paint for their loved ones.Beautiful soul and hearts.May Allah bless them.

As I paint on canvases and papers,the designs that they desired,I keep reminding myself that I need to do my best as what I am projecting on the canvas is their act of showing their love and appreciation to their special ones (be it family,friends or their significant other).I only hope that everytime their loved ones lay their eyes on the paintings,it would remind them the love and memories that they had with that person.

I had my time of disappointment too, when the visuals of the painting that I desired did not turn out to be the same.But, it's okay,I can try again until I am satisfied with the outcome.Will try my best to deliver your happiness and love hehe.

This online learning works well for me,I think.I am enjoying it.Plus, I am blessed with good groupmates.I wish that I can ace this semester get higher grades than last semester (InsyaAllah,do pray for me).My prereg for the incoming semester was smooth,and I get to register myself in Clinical Psychology class which I intend to specialise in the future.InsyaAllah.

One thing about 2020 is that,despite the lockdown and adjusting to new norm,if it is still hard for you to find the blessings amidst of Covid-19, please do say Alhamdulillah as you are surviving this pandemic (if you are still reading this).The fact that we are still here,breathing, is a gift from God.Semoga kita selalu pilih untuk melihat kebahagiaan dalam sekecil-kecil perkara.

I will write about EEG and IMHRC in the coming post.Need to go back to psychology after so longgg.

Goodnight.

2020 is not a new me ; new Farrah year.As yesterday on the first day of January ,Farrah was still figuring out why she is not feeling excited which is something unusual of her.It's just another day, I told myself.Maybe it is because I'm not feeling well - runny nose,sore throat and coughing.Maybe because I'm afraid of the examinations because I am not well prepared.

Alhamdulillah, today after the Zuhr prayer I can feel the feeling of calmness inside me.The long-awaited feelings of serenity.I feel attached to Him again, and I do hope it will be a continuous feeling.Yes ,our iman fluctuates it has its ups and downs and it is my responsibility upon my deen - to make it fresh and awaken as always.You know how it feels to be disengaged, like there is a void in my heart.After so long, I know ( and I can feel it again) that the peacefulness can only be achieved when you have reached that realization of - Allah, how ignorant of me to keep putting my expectation and hope not at the right place.To keep thinking that hey, I got this.But ,no sometimes you need to just admit to God that it is His strength that keep you sane.It is the love that He endowed upon us that spark the light in me.Human, we can be so egoist - we can't even admit that we are crippled without Allah.

You know, some things are beyond our expectation.Allah alone can bless us and take it all back in a blink.It was magical how He was able to wash away the anger,hatred,resentments,guilts and all the negative feelings with one event.It is as if all those mixed feelings filled with the animosity that is crumpled deep down in your heart is taken out and it vanished just like that.I do question myself, how did it happen,because it makes no sense to me.

Till now,the answer is only one ; Ar-Rahim.

It is undescribable, too beautiful to be typed into words.

Terima kasih Allah untuk rasa-rasa ini dan semangat yang menghidupkan.Kau terlalu baik ,atas segala khilaf yang telah hambaMu lakukan.Kau terlalu baik.Sekali lagi Engkau mengingatkan pengharapan dan kekuatan itu hanya milik-Mu.Tali yang paling kuat itu hanya layak dalam genggamanmu.All the redirections and the paths that have been spread before my eyes indeed are the proof that You exist.It is me, who need to improve myself to be a better human and a Muslim hopefully.Memang bukan mudah,tapi kita mampu kan menjadi lebih baik.

Di bawah dititipkan doa indah perkongsian saudari @rnadiasabrina. Moga bermanfaat buat kita semua.

"O God, grant us your Divine Love,
spread love and peace between us,
grant us the love of those You love,
grant us the love of those who love You,
grant us the love of doing the things that earn your Divine Love,
please make our love towards You the thing that we love the most"
.
”O Allah! I ask You for Your Love and the love of those who love You, and deeds which will cause me to attain Your Love. O Allah! Make Your Love dearer to me than myself, my family and the cold water”

- - -

Ya Allah, kurniakan kami kecintaanMu,
kurniakan kami kecintaan terhadap mereka yang Kau cintai,
kurniakan kami kecintaan terhadap mereka yang mencintaiMu,
kurniakan kami kecintaan terhadap segala perkara yang mendekatkan kami kepadaMu dan cinta Agung Mu,
jadikanlah cinta kami kepadaMu sebagai perkara yang paling kami cintai,
dan jadikanlah cinta ini lebih indah dari air yang sangat sejuk diteguk pada hari yang panas terik.